The other day I was doing some searching online. I was looking for single mom groups and forums to join so I could really get into what you are all talking about. I always want to find new ways to help and get you the information you need.
I was deeply disappointed for a couple of reasons. First, I saw WAY too much bashing of single moms. Second, I did not find a lot of groups out there specifically for the single mom. Many for moms, which is great, but not so much for the single mom.
I want to talk about the attitudes towards single parents. I will try to keep my cool here but I do have a tendency to get heated on this subject. I really can’t stand for people to generalize about anyone. We are all different and deserve to be taken on our own merit.
Let’s clear up some misconceptions about single moms!
1. Single moms don’t sit at home thinking about sex all day long!
Just because a woman is a single mother, doesn’t mean she is a deviant. She has better things to focus on than sex. Think about this though – why is it okay for a man to be that way but not a woman?
2. Single moms don’t want or need sympathy.
A single mother isn’t sitting around thinking of ways to gain your sympathy. She’s too busy taking care of her own house. She just wants to take care of her family the best way she knows how. The same as any two parent household.
3. Single moms can be great moms.
I know so many single mothers who take great care of their kids. They make sure they are fed, have clothes, shelter and lots of love!
4. Single moms need the village, just like all parents do.
We have a family and friendship deficit. Few of us live in close proximity to our extended families, let alone as part of an extended family that can support us; and where family is lacking, only friendship can take up the slack. It seems that our churches need to encourage friendship on a level above casual acquaintance, so that our congregations can become the equivalent of extended families for one another. It wouldn’t hurt neighbors to help out either.
5. Last, and most importantly, single moms are as varied as all humans.
There are different types of single mothers, just as there are different types of mothers. Everyone on this Earth are made up of different qualities and characteristics. If you have a bad experience with a man with red hair, does that mean you will judge all red haired men the same? Of course not, so why would you assume all single mothers are the same? There are all kinds in every ‘group’ of people.
Now’s your chance to set the record straight.
As a single mother, you need to not stand for people stuffing you into a certain category. Let people know you refuse to be judged! Make them see you for who you are!
In the groups I have joined, I have had the pleasure of meeting many beautiful strong single mothers. The young woman you are about to hear from blessed me with her story and allowed me to share it with you.
Bree (24) –
I was raped and abused by my sons sperm donor, my ex. I never pressed charges I just ran when I found out I was pregnant. I live with my mom. She helps me with my son. Because of my ex, I have PTSD and high anxiety. I have insomnia so I don’t sleep much. Every thing I do is for my son. Just because I am 24 does not mean I don’t know how to be a good mom.
I am the single mother of a medically needy two year old. I hate the looks and stares I get when we are in the ER or when he’s having a test done and I have to sit in the waiting room. When I was pregnant I wore a ring on my ring finger to stop the questions.
When its just me and him going out to eat and play in the play places, I hear the other parents saying things like ‘her parents should of had her under control’ or ‘she’s one of the reasons society is so bad’. I am 24 years old I have been single since the week I found out I was pregnant.
I hate that my Dr. refused to give me implanon or mirena type birth control because I am single. He never judged me during my pregnancy, though. I hate the stereotype that if you get pregnant young you are destined to be a single mom. Some of us are single moms for our sake as well as our childrens.
My son is my daily reminder that I am alive, that I survived and I have him to thank for that. Without my family accepting me and my mom letting me move back in, I would probably still be with him or dead at this point. Every mom can dig down and find the strength to keep going. There is no reason to give up. There is always something down the road to pick you up and keep you going.
Whether you are a mom or not; whether you are single or in a relationship; life is going to knock you down and throw you curve balls. Life is full of the unexpected and you never know what is around the next curve. You can choose to accept me for who I am and what I have become and survived; or not. As long as I have my son in my life, I do not care about anything else. I do not need a man to make me happy.
Would I like one for support and sex and cuddles? Of course, but I don’t need that. I’ve had a few hook ups, nothing serious. My mother necklace is my favorite saying, “a mother may hold her child’s hand for a short while, but their hearts forever.”
So you see, single moms are not all the result of poor decisions and behavior. Think before you judge.